Unbounded

[this was in answer to Jeco's post our blog [link] on benevolence towards the needy. i intially just wanted to give my comments, but it turned out to be quite long so i decided to make a post from it, and it thus marked the end of my hiatus.]

Psychology and Economics both belong to the discipline of Social Science. They both deal with the metacognition and decisions of persons which result to behavior.

Recall the foremost proponent in the third wave of Psychology, whose model of Hierarchy of Needs is a staple in Economics.

Here are my conclusions based on my unobtrusive (sometimes when I watch you guys give alms to the street children) and obtrusive observations (when it's my turn to give alms, or at times when I bash on them based on the assumption that they work for supposed syndicates): they are merely satisfying their most basic hierarchy of need, that is, their physiological needs.

But going beyond that level of meaning, I'll try to give my two cents as to what motivates them and my personal ideological insights.

I do not blame them at all if they seem to be acting out of our social normes, not practicing cultured decorum such as sharing or giving thanks. Again, this is under my assumption that I have interacted with children who do not work for supposed syndicates (this idea is actually farfetched when you think about it because if there are people that they should be working their scrawny asses for, it's for their family). My point is, to try to put things into their perspectives. See the world from their innocent eyes, walk the streets using their worn-out slippers, beg for alms with a calloused palm and an empty stomach. It would make a huge difference.

Now for the second half, I agree that not only does it make you feel bad, but actually, terrible. The hounding idea that your noble efforts are still not enough to change the status quo would give you sleepless nights. But give that thought time to grow that will then make you realize that changing the status quo is not a process of revolution, but more of an evolution. It takes time.

And that's one facticity of life that we could not circumvent.

This is also my personal reason why I condone the Gawad Kalinga project. Although I have never been vocal about my stand (seeing that my alma mater is turning to be a GK country, where initial YFC volunteers are coming zombies, churning out mindless fervor over it. "blind zealots" as I would prefer to identify these youths for Christ), I do not see the significance of its goal of 7,000 homes for 70,000 families in 7 years. Yes, it's a staggering number, but it's just statistic.

The flaw of this vast project (I'll relate this to the topic in a while) is that it ends when the house is complete. Well what about livelihood? One just basically gave the marginalized sector a house (take note, house and not home) to take shelter. Well, they're dry alright, but they're still going to be hungry. Be as it may that it's still better than nothing, but that better is not good enough. It's basically just a patch. This is why I refuse to contribute my physical efforts because after seven years, it will still be a project in vain. Values of Filipino Kapatiran my scrawny ass. It still neglects the more important value of FORESIGHT.

What Gawad Kalinga lacks, as well as our act of kindness to the people asking for alms is the lack of foresight for BOTH parties.

Give them foresight when they have satisfied their physiological needs (i.e. let them realize the bigger picture when they're not thinking on an empty stomach), and that, I would say, is the real significant start than giving them alms and food.

When we've realize that benevolence is not a one-shot process, and they've realize that they should learn to fish as opposed to merely being content to receiving it (ika nga, isang kahig, isang tuka), real lasting change begins. Not only for both our needs, but more imporantly, change (growth) in both our values.

An Indian nun from Calcutta never once gave up even when she realized the big picture. Her unbounded altruism, in a way, became her foresight - to be generous until her world's end.

Yes empathy, then benevolence, but it doesn't end there. Foresight comes next.

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It feels great to have that quip in me pulsing again.

Now, I don't really like recipes with coconuts (save for fruitshakes, juices, and bukopies, although that's different), but I'll gladly make an exception for macaroons. They're just divine.

I've tried my hand in making one of those bite sized morsels and here's the recipe that I used. Thanks to Tahnee for giving it to me 4-5 years back heh.

Now, if I could only find the old fetuccini and food for the gods recipes that I used...

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You'll need:
1 1/2 cups (about 8 oz.) blanched almonds
1 cup sugar
3 egg whites
1 cup (about 3.5 oz.) sweetened shredded coconut

method:
-Preheat the oven to 350 F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
-Grind the almonds in a food processor. Combine with sugar and coconut in a large bowl.
-In a medium bowl, beat the egg whites to medium peaks. Gently fold into the almond mixture.
-Drop by heaping teaspoonfuls onto the baking sheets, leaving at least 1 inch between macaroons. Bake until lightly browned, 15-20 minutes.

Makes about 3 dozen macaroons.

Mmmm. enjoy.

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I'm interested this time in making cinnamon buns with raisins (you can't go wrong with cinnamon, and apple cinnamon at that!), and learning Tahnee's Angelisas (couldn't spell that one right). Mmmmm.

Ack. all this talk about food made me hungry.

This was done by me and my friend Pia, in our world literature class back in junior college.

For the record, I hate poems and I suck at them.

Anyway, it's about the time when we went to Lian, Batangas in the summer of 2004 for our Filipino Psychology class. It was an immersion subject and we were required to make two research papers on traditional medicine.

Needless to say, the experience was a baptism of fire for us undergraduates. It was the first time for all of us to have an immersion subject; away from home, away from our friends, away from our families.

Heck, we were still froshies ('freshmen' in DLSU. They coined it up for its neutrality), and most of us just turned eighteen...

Five sleepless nights.
Five unrelentless days of being scolded by our professor.
Five mornings spent in transcribing.
Five evenings of soul-searching.
Five afternoons of bonding.

Filipino Psychology class for us will forever be unforgettable. Not only because we literally applied what we leared and groped around the subject matter (pakapa-kapa approach), but it was also a rite of passage for us.

In the end, we all came out as more mature individuals who would take on life's values, challenges, and pretty much all the other little things that we will come across in our journey more seriously.

I don't know about the rest but I certainly think of it that way.

...Seriously.

Most resented that summer. Some were indifferent. Me? I wouldn't trade it for a vacation. College wouldn't be the same without it.

Psychology bootcamp. Heh.

So, as much as I hate poems, this one's close to my heart. Not just to me, but to all BS-Psychology graduates.

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You Will Forget Batangas

If you stay in comfort too long
You will not know
The rewarding feeling
Of passing Sir Javier’s Filipino Psychology class.

You will forget
The feeling of getting enough sleep
Because you were awake the whole night,
Transcribing.

You will forget
The gratitude
From the old lady you interviewed.

Sure, if you stay in comfort too long
You will not know the pain
Of getting a negative score in your rural research paper.

You will forget
The thirst and the heat
Of walking from one Sitio to another
Trying to look for more interviewees.

You will forget
The clucking of the roosters
at dawn, waking you up.

You will forget
Being scolded very midnight…

I ran an errand for my mom yesterday. she told me to buy some contact lens solution.

As I was too self-absorbed thinking about other things (I was going to meet some of the bipolar committee members for a reunion dinner), I forgot that the optical shop was just at the entrance of Gateway mall and I passed by it, which was really weird because Fully Booked is always my first stop! (the optical shop's about 3 boutiques away) (Dope #1).

I then circled the mall for half an hour and frustratingly decided that I should go look for one in Farmer's, an adjacent mall. After walking around for another 20 minutes, I got tired and went to the bathroom.

While there, my necklace broke and my ring pendants fell to the floor. I asked the sanitation engineer (the janitor. lol) to help me look for it and he used his DIRTY MOP to sweep the rings off the floor. (dope#2) WTF was that?! (I immediately sterilized my silver rings with alcohol the moment I got home)

Pissed, and after buying a new necklace in a nearby booth, I continued looking for that 'friggin elusive optical shop.

So after casually browsing for another 10 minutes, I still couldn't find one and I finally decided to ask the security guard for directions (typical guy reluctant to ask for directions).

me: "sir, san po rito may optical shop, yung para sa mata?" (<-- take note of the second phrase) [sir, where can I find an optical shop in this mall? You know, the one for the eyes?]

guard: (pauses to think) "ah, direcho ka lang diyan tapos akyat ka sa third floor, pag kanan mo nandoon na iyon malapit sa mrt station." [ah, you just go straight ahead and go up to the third floor, turn right and you'll see it. It's near the MRT station]

me: "ok salamat po!" [ok, thank you sir!]

Finally. some progress. The guard was even confident with his directions. I felt relieved.

I went up the escalator.

It turns out that the security guard pointed me to an OSAKA IRIDOLOGY CLINIC. (dope#3) WTF?!

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I couldn't discern whether I should laugh at what transpired or be really pissed off.

On the 13

I woke up at around two in the morning yesterday (March 29), getting only two hours of sleep, so I was naturally pissed. I then decided to do some photoshopping (I consider graphic designing as therapeutic. Very much like Christopher doing math problems. lol).

Noticing that our group blog, ([link]) needed a more personal layout (as it now dons a generic green layout), I took on the challenge (or the leisure if you will) of making one. Here's what I came up with ([link]). It's supposed to be a header banner of us, the 13 - the thirteen most frequent guys that hang around in our friend Jim's place (Yes, it's a little rushed, but I wanted it to be done by noon so that I could get some more sleep and to prepare myself for other things later in the day).

From left to right: P3, Wil, me, Stip, Jim, Eug and Dodong; Pe (with Pia), Les, Jeco, Odell, Jed and Janny.

If you've seen those i-pod commericials (well to my knowledge, it isn't being shown here in the Philippines), it's partly 'inspired' by those.

We're thinking of removing Janny from the core but we can't think of a replacement yet.

He's our token black guy. heheh.

..Now if only I could figure out the blogger code tags. I'm basically an ignorant when it comes to scripting (that's why I couldn't help piere out on his flash presentation about plastics).

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On Photoshopping

I never really intended to be hooked with graphic design. I was actually unaware before of those kinds of things existed. Well, actually, I was unaware of a lot of tech things before. I didn't own a computer then.

When I finally bought one in sophomore high, Wil showed to me ps 5.5, and bragged that his brother was really good at it and stuff (well he's really good). Anyway, he told me that I should try it out , so I then tried tinkering with it, and the rest was history.

For me, it's an outlet for expression (upon the realization that I needed formal drawing skills), and oddly enough, it's also my way of reducing stress.

There's something about creating something that I find 'serene'. Like writing.

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On Plans

Since I've been talking about stress, I would like to say that I've been finding myself to be more and more stressed out lately.

Lots of thoughts about my plans in life (well now that college is over) are bugging me. Sleepless nights, irritability, mood swings, incoherent thoughts (hmm. nothing much has really changed actually. lol.) , are a staple.

But I really couldn't figure out why I'm this stressed out (it's either I couldn't identify my stressors, or I'm just denying its existence).

Career? Education? Relationships? Ack. It dreads me just to think about it.

I have to face them eventually. So hey, it's just a matter of one's frame of reference.

*I plan to get a master's degree, most likely on Clinical Psychology. Just out of curiousity, and for the sake of pursuing a higher body of knowledge. It's not happening anytime soon as I have to be self-sufficient first.

*I plan to be in a line of work where I'm enjoying it, despite its nature or job pay (bookstore manager, graphic designer, HR, HR training, counselling, writing. HAH! MANAGINIP KA!).

*I plan to try it out in the field of education. Hey, why not? It looks like fun. (teaching General Psychology as an elective subject or Statistics, or to be the school counsellor. Not bad.)

*I plan to go to the US in the near future, along with my friends, to seek greener pasture.

And lastly, on relationships.

eeek.

I would like to point out that I never had any relationships. I'm single since birth and single by choice.

Many ask why. Some look up on it. Most look down. 'why the hell are you still single? What ever happend to flirting around?'

I choose to be single and I'm proud of it (to the guy who said that comment on flirting, I'm going to punch you straight in the jaw the next time you bring it up with that arrogant tone of yours. And because you still haven't returned my book Sybil. My flirty days are over).

I do not choose to fit in with all the rest of the people whose brains are in their crotches.

I do not flirt with shallow skanks just so that I could reinforce my machismo (well I'm guilty for a number of times. But that time is now long gone).

If you've ever heard of Harris' 'I kissed dating goodbye', 'boy meets girl', and this third one about purity; if you've ever heard of Warren's 'purpose driven life', and I'm sure that you guys have, I am convinced that all of them are just pieces of trash.

Don't get me wrong, their intentions are good, and at times noble, but some of its ideas are inhumanly possible.

People are just not made like that.

I sometimes would like to think that they just cash in on people's faith and insecurities.

Might as well use the books as coasters or as my dogs' chewtoys.

To the people who treat these kinds of books as their bibles, use your old noodles. Realize what's humanly and inhumanly possible. Don't be mindless robots.

*..Returning to my previous line of thought: yes I'm single, but when the proper opportunity comes, that I would be able to meet that woman, who's a great conversationalist, who's got similar tastes (and distastes. lol), and who's got an equally evil personality as mine, yes. I wouldn't let that opportunity slip way.

The hell with looks, I'm going to be too swept off my feet to mind about that. Lol.

The pressure from my friends (that we should be scoring around with 'chicks'. It was a nice idea, stroking your machismo. But senseless) and family (I'm male, and I'm an only child) are great, but hey, It's my life that I'm living here.

I'm just traditional. Bug off.

It's nice to be in a relationship but for now, we should be enjoying our single lives.

Ugh. Enough mushiness.

(why the hell did I write this in the first place??)

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On Jobs

I'm very picky when it comes to the career line to work on (that's why I'm still bumming around).

No, I'm not lazy. Some companies have actually called me, I've also tried to apply on some, and (reluctantly) attended job fairs.

It's not that I look down on telemarketing (actually my thesis was about call center work), but I find it offending when companies call you if I would be interested in considering a career in that line of work. Lots of companies called (including big companies offering achievement-based pay for employees, who are also willing to be assigned in various locations. In other words AHENTE [a sales agent]).

A number of companies called, and upon knowledge of its nature, let's just say that 'Xiao Huang', my pet Miniature Pinscher enjoyed conversing with them. Let's leave it at that.

When it comes to applying, I've also tried my hand at those. I actually sent my resume to Fully Booked (it's a distinguished high-end bookstore here in the Philippines, and my second home) just to see if I'm competitive enough in the market. But the real reason was that I found out that Cai, one of my friends in college found work in National Bookstore, and I became envious. heheh.

Being the smart-ass that I am, I now seriously think that they would consider hiring me if I didn't put in the phrase '...fresh meat, err, fresh college graduate...'

Dope.

Here's to my dream of working in the bookstore and owning one. Well I hope not.

As if my ego was not insulted enough, my friend Wil insisted that we visit the recent job fair exposition in SM Megamall (a huge middle-class mall in the Phils.), just to try out how competitive we are in the market.

It didn't sucked. It TERRIBLY sucked.

Half of the companies were telemarketing outsourcing firms, while half were rank-and-file job openings for unheard companies.

When you see liquor companies having job openings for highschool female graduates to be promotional models, when you see internet shops (internet cafe stores) having their own booths, it's an obvious signal to turn to the other way and not look back.

After going around the fair once (Well twice actually. Wil pretended to be casually browsing because someone he liked was there also), we immediately left and went to Powerbooks (another distinguished high-end bookstore in the Phils.) and spent the rest of the afternoon reading (and indirectly insulting people who try to act knowledgeable).

Well let's give them their fair share of the argument. It's plausible and logical to reason that it's a job fair geared more towards the masses.

And people ask me why I still don't have a job.

Screw them. I'm not done enjoying my free life.

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Enough random thoughts.

You think you have an interesting life. And for the most part, you do. You wake up, you go to your job, you go out in the weekends. You do everything you're supposed to do the way it's supposed to be done. But once in a while, there's a chance to do more, and you take it.

I read. I write. I create. I chat. I think. But most of all, I appreciate. Yes, they all matter to me because i make meaningful experiences out of them. Yet these are the small things in life that many neglect.

Giving up the whole afternoon just to read a Rosales novel; sharing your personal thoughts and opinions to someone you hardly know; baking macaroons as an expression of gratitude; helping someone to design a guidebook cover and not ask for anything in return just because you are passionate about it.

In this material world that we are living, there are far more things in life that money can't buy. People should start appreciating these small things and make meaning out of it.

My life can't just be interesting, it has to be meaningful.

As I was going up the stair
I met a man, who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away.