Unbounded

What on earth is an event when it is not celebrated, mourned, commemorated, nor remembered? The following commentary attempts to ordinate the most significant rivalries of our batch if ranked from ten to one.

Human impulsiveness will lead the common reader to immediately judge the content of the following list. Let them be, for it is only humane for one’s emotion to take hold of his reasoning. But lest they realize its folly, that the aim of this narrative is to shed a humorous but critical perspective at taboo events, the sooner will they appreciate and celebrate the existence of our batch. Read on.

10.) III Nickel vs. Aimee Grutas
(Directed Warfare)

Origin

It all began when this despot made a botched joke about a mental patient. It enraged the class to a point where every student banded together, and decided to make their classroom adviser their common enemy. Mr. Wilson Tang stepped up to be the figurehead of this said class in the later quarters, and lead the series of antagonizing events to oust their adviser.

Length

Organized resistance went on to one full schoolyear. Each student suffered going to class to be made fun of by this tyrant. They crept through each day, each week, and each quarter.

One noble student, Mr. Glenn Kho, once wittily retorted against his adviser when she was routinely exercising her evil influence to the class. This poor martyr was systematically publicly persecuted. He was, is and will be honored for his unselfish attempts to reveal the evil adviser’s folly.

Something had to be done. A new figurehead must step up to bravely face this oppressor.

Climax

In what was to be remembered as the third quarter storm, a blitz of insurgency from the class lead to the downfall of the adviser. One man rose from the ranks and raised the class consciousness, inspired by the satire of Mr. Glenn Kho.

The people’s president, Mr. Wilson Tang bravely exposed her puppet government, literally. No one ever thought that a paper receptacle and a felt tip pen were all it took to oust an autocrat.

It was the longest 50 minutes of their lives. Everyone’s eyes, ears, and hearts were on Mr. Tang. He surprised everyone, including the adviser herself by symbolically chatting with a puppet version of her.

Enraged, and very embarrassed, the adviser’s futile attempt to take control of a collectively conscious class was now inevitable.

Result

Anarchy! Freedom! Everyone rejoiced!

Yellow ribbons were tied along the bars of the classroom windows, to symbolize that 3 Nickel was now free from her vile cruelty. The class hailed Mr. Tang and remembered Mr. Kho for their passion for truth.

Impact

It was then known, not only to the other 2 classrooms, but also to the whole academe that 3 Nickel made a crimson-less revolt against their adviser (no one failed her class).

9.) Rowena Corpuz vs. Patrick Siy
(Asshole vs. Dickhole)

Number nine on the list reminds us that sometimes, we have to favor the unfavorable in a contention, albeit the lesser one. Whether you sided with the teacher or the student, one thing’s for certain, nobody really gave a sniff of fecal matter of attention for this rivalry. This one’s a novelty entry at best. Can you catch my whiff?

8.) Stephanie Dionisio vs. Jonathan Pua
(For the SC Presidency)

Ah, the holy grail for recognition in college admissions – being the student council president of your highschool. Only a handful may be able to claim that they ran for it, only a few chosen individuals may boast that they won it, and only one will be able to declare with pride that that person won the presidential vacancy with absolutely no established party system, platform, general, and specific plans of action.

The voice of the educated populace were put on the hands of these two presidentiables, where one campaigned for responsible toilet flushing through “sprinkle allergy stickers”, vis-à-vis the other, simply considered his candidacy as a fallback for his other application (and vice versa) to an immaculate, non-partisan highschool organ that heralded integrity and excellence.

That yellow sprinkle campaign was apparently effective. Despite a blatant tally fraud, the latter candidate lost by an expected landslide to a ditz. He then naturally assumed an executive editorial position.

In what can only be described as a campaign battle that went to the dogs, what was once a pure regard to that highschool organ became tainted with yellow sprinkles.

7.) Jimson Gow vs. Louis Chingcuangco
(Self-directed Warfare)

6.) Wilson Tang vs. Jefferlito Menguin
(Teacher vs. Apprentice)

Yours truly could not possibly have the heart, courage, nay, grace to post the professional sports entertainment allusions for this number six rivalry, on the account that it’s too lame and too corny to compose. Maybe Wil can elaborate on this (oh yeah, do feel free to elaborate on the other ranks since to comprehensively talk about each and everyone of them would consume too much time).

The gist of this rivalry between Wil and Menguin is that they absolutely hated each other in everything they did together, be it in pool, basketball, early morning line formations, classroom discussions, and even in the newsroom. This only gives more weight to the saying that no jerk likes to have another jerk around.

This rivalry went on for two school years and peaked when Menguin denied Wil of an executive editorial position in the school organ to a ditz and subsequently, denied him as well of a journalism merit award to that very same ditz whose name I would prefer not to mention.

Indeed, it was an epic teacher-apprentice / father-son relationship worthy of Star Wars comparison.

5.) Jericson Co vs. Glenn Kho
(For The Trophy partner)

4.) Stephanie Dionisio vs. Sheryl Uy
(Queen Bees and Wannabes)

3.) Wilson Tang vs. Sabrina Poon
(Chauvinist pig vs. Feminist bitch)

2.) Jelyne Garperio vs. Sherri Yang
(Family matters)

1.) Jokeh vs. Pikachu
(Everything that’s wrong in this world thrown into a barrel of lard and retardation.)

It would be a tremendous task, o God, for me to write this one up without malice if it is without Your watchful eye. The burden of my choice of words will be unbearable if You would not guide my pen. I ask forgiveness in advance, o God, that I may treat one of my batchmate whom we remembered with the most colorful of memories with disrespect.

Your most humble servant will remain steadfast to pray to You five times each morn, until the faithful day that he shall meet You again.

Amen.

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Sarcasm and satire are not enough to describe the eternal struggle between the good and the badly educated. Even Mother Nature’s evolutionary process could not rival the severe social ineptness of this fictional hamster’s combatant. Powers clash as bolts of lightning battles against his magic technicolor Gameboy, powered by his imagination.

Yet, with all our condescending perception of his apparently absurd world comes bliss. An appreciation that we could never see without an open mind.

Yes, he did not graduate along with us, but he will be remembered as our special batchmate. Let’s all hope that God or the devil has higher plans for him in this world.

…That poor soul.