Unbounded

Good afternoon my dirty little city. The following two texts are actual press releases from Team Unity’s official website ([link]). Tell me what you can make of this.

Ah, the wonders editing and ghostwriting. A snap of the fingers and a candidate from Ilocandia, who’s an admitted gambler, embezzler, & an all around no-goodnik at that, could suddenly have complete command of the English language, and would even dare to exhibit rhetoric.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you, finesse and wit at its finest – mudslinging.

The overall campaign strategy that the administration is boastfully banking is playfully reminiscent of one peculiar highschool batchmate. Yes, him. Him, who could make a ginseng walk; him, who could place, yet alone purchase a nuclear reactor in his back yard; and him, who was able to construct a car with no wheels, no engine, and no fuel, but could run.

“Him”, who will be only referred to as such, was able to make an engine-less, wheel-less car, that could run solely on imagination. Beat that, Peter Pan!

There. If you could see the absurdity and delusion of this poor, poor man, the proceeding article will be a synch.

Read on.

LACKLUSTER PERFORMANCE IS REASON FOR POOR GO RATING
April 28, 2007

The growing sophistication and maturity of the voting public is the reason why Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III is doing poorly in the current campaign and not an imaginary special operation to make him loose, Team Unity senatorial candidate Luis “Chavit” Singson said yesterday.

“Noynoy Aquino should ask himself in a very candid way what he had done inhis long stay in Congress, a question he should also ask Alan Peter Cayetano and Francis Escudero,” Singson said.

Singson added that during their stay at the House of Representatives, Aquino, Escudero and Cayetano did nothing except to grandstand and gain media mileage for a Senate run.

Voters can “see through this track record of zero performance and100 per cent grandstanding “pushing them to withdraw their support for Aquino,” Singson said.

Singson was reacting to a statement made by Aquino, in which he blamed the administration for carrying out a supposed special operation against him and Cayetano.

Singson said that Team Unity is committed to a high-level campaign focused on issues and a growth agenda, “unlike Aquino’swhining and griping and concoction of non-existent plots against his candidacy.”

Singson reminded Aquino that the endorsement of an impeachment resolution “does not a lawmaker make.”

“Aquino should know by now that running for the Senate means preparing an extensive legislative agenda, a longer list of pro-people and pro- growth advocacy, a real commitment and dedication to pursuing national growth. You cannot run for the Senate based on a hate list and impeaching the president,” Singson said.

Singson said that in its fearless forecast, Aquino would even fare poorly in his home province of Tarlac “which he failed to serve with distinction in Congress.”

Earlier, Tarlac Gov. Jose Yap said during a Team Unity sortie that Aquino would not even win in their Tarlac home province.

“Aquino has no political bailiwick, no support base, no real political boost from sectors and no real political network,” Singson said.

“Aquino, if I were him, should work hard and campaign hard instead of griping and whining,” Singson said.

xxx

TEAM UNITY: LEFT-RIGHT PACT ON ‘VOTE-PROTECTION’ SUGGESTS GO’s POSSIBLE LINK TO EXTREMIST GROUPS DESTABILIZING GOV’T
April 28, 2007

A Genuine Opposition plan to forge a pact with communist-leaning partylist groups on the supposed protection of GO votes in the May 14 balloting has seemingly lent credence to earlier military intelligence reports on an “unholy alliance” among the mainstream opposition the Left and right-wing forces to topple the Arroyo government, Team Unity said over the weekend.

Team Unity senatorial candidate Luis “Chavit” Singson recalled that in February last year, the President was forced to declare a state of national emergency owing to the military’s timely discovery of the mainstream opposition’s alleged involvement in a Left-Right conspiracy to overthrow President at the height of festivities marking the anniversary of the 1986 Edsa Revolt.

“Last year’s intelligence reports on a leftist-rightist conspiracy have only been reinforced by the proposal of GO candidate Panfilo Lacson for the opposition to enter into a shadowy alliance with the Left supposedly to protect their votes in next month’s elections,” Singson said.

“Such a working arrangement, as revealed by Lacson, suggests that an unholy alliance has long been forged by the mainstream opposition, then known as the United Opposition (UNO), with ultra-rightist and left-wing groups,” Singson said.

“Even GO’s campaign mnemonic, which is PLAN CO REVOLT, sends a not-too-subliminal message to the public of the real agenda of the opposition,” Singson said.

One of the 11 candidates of GO is ex-Navy Lt./SG Antonio Trillanes, who had figured in the failed Oakwood Mutiny in 2003.
Moreover, Lacson has endorsed the candidacy of independent senatorial bet Gregorio Honasan, his Philippine Military Academy classmate or ‘mistah” who was also implicated in the Oakwood mutiny as well as in the February 2006 coup attempt and other cases of military adventurism, especially during the Aquino presidency.

Singson was reacting to reports that Lacson had proposed this Left-Right alliance to ex-President Estrada to help safeguard the votes of the opposition in the May 14 polls. Bayan Muna representative Teodoro Casino has reportedly confirmed the “vote-protection project, saying that it was one of the “common undertakings” that his group and its allies have established with GO.

This alliance being formed by GO with left- and right-wing forces in the guise of coming up with a “vote-protection” project should not be taken lightly by law-abiding and peace-loving Filipinos considering the events that unfolded in February 2006, Singson said.

Singson warned voters that a repeat of the February 2006 coup attempt could wipe out the economic gains that we have achieved so far and totally derail the “social payback” agenda of the President to deliver to the masa the tangible dividends of growth directly to the people in the form of more jobs and the better delivery of social services such as basic education, primary health care and low-cost housing.

“The Filipino masa will end up the ultimate losers if another coup attempt takes place at a time when the economy is already in full swing,” Singson said. “Ongoing government initiatives to translate the gains of economic growth into social benefits for the people would all go to waste should freedom-loving Filipinos allow this unholy alliance to prosper and succeed in carrying out its destabilization agenda.”

The landslide victory of Team Unity on May 14 would not only assure Filipinos of economic stability in the years to come, but would likewise safeguard the nation from being victims of an emerging Left-Right conspiracy to grab political power, Singson said.

xxx

A resounding affirmation is given to Olivares-Cunanan’s opinion column in PDI (dated April 28, 2007) on the call to review the party list system here in our country. There are far, far too many irrelevant partylists sprouting about, with more surfacing on each election (and mid-term election), clamoring to justify its existence – to supposedly give the much needed voice for their proportional represented constituents.

I was commuting home from work one sunny Thursday afternoon when I literally saw a carpet of promotional flyers laying about along Aurora Cubao. I wanted to reach down and grab a piece but thought twice since I was sitting on the front passenger of the jeepney, and one swoop from a neighboring vehicle could effectively decapitate me. I also thought of disembarking to pick up a piece but I feared the thought of the driver screwing me and saying that I should pay again.

Anywho, I’ve been noticing that more and more partlist organizations are having useless / irrelevant / redundant advocacies, and some are so generic, that they don’t really constitute as proportional representation of the marginalized and unrepresented.

Case in point for CIBAC (Citizen’s Battle Against Corruption), SANLAKAS, BAYAN MUNA, BANAT (Barangay Association for National Advancement and Transparency), GABRIELA, Abanse Pinay!, ANWARAY, ANAK Mindanao, and a boatload of others (most others are so obscure that you’d think they randomly choose words just to make up a mnemonic).

Party lists concerning anti political dynasties, generic partylists about nationalism, and partylists with the same advocacies, are simply, stupid. As for partylists concerning regional representation, think about it. Why else would you vote for your congressman? It’s simply redundant. Come May 14th, my vote goes to the truly marginalized and unrepresented – ANAKPAWIS, among others. (by the way, if ever you’re affiliated to one of these, or know people who do, please do not hunt me down, heheh)

There should be a party list for janitors, garbage men, and metro aides, collectively, for sanitation engineers, because they’ll need all the help after the elections, removing the countless posters and sweeping the equally countless flyers. Heheh.

Good evening my dirty little city, it’s been a while.

Tonight, my whim for Statistics, Embryology, and Psychology will lead us to talk about hormones, particularly on Progesterone. Now, listen up closely boys, this one’s important.

Background

PMS or pre-menstrual syndrome is a major problem for the modern women and one with which their ancestors never had to deal. Until recently, women tended to be pregnant most of the time, which meant that the average Filipino woman only ever had to deal with menstrual related problems 10 – 20 times in a lifetime, versus 13 times a year (we’ll get to these computations in a little while) for the modern Filipino woman.

Hmm, problem, or not? It’s not a problem per se if you know how to understand and to interpret the facts. I’m telling this now, for both ways, for both men and women to understand (and to appease the prissy women and the feminists out there).

But of course, you and I both know why I’m writing this, heh.

Statistics

The mean lifespan for Filipino women nowadays is 70 Gregorian calendar years (with men living shorter at 68 years). Divide 70 by four, you get 17.5. Then you get the sum of 17.5 x 366 (taking into account leap years), and 52.5 x 365 (3/4 of the average lifespan, by normal years), and you get ∑ = 25567.5 days.

70 / 4 = 17.5
70 = 17.5 + 52.5

(17.5 x 366) + (52.5 x 365) = 25567.5 days
(6405) x (19162.5) = 25567.5 days
∑ = 25,567.5 days

De la Cruz, et al’s research on stress and menarche of women (2005), found out that the mean age for menarche onset in Filipino women is about 13 Gregorian calendar years. Divide 13 by 4 and you get 3.25. Getting the sum of 3.25 x 366 (for leap years) and 9.75 x 365 (3/4 of 13 years), and you get ∑’ = 4748.25 days.

13 / 4 = 3.25
13 = 3.25 + 9.75

(3.25 x 366) + (9.75 x 365) = 4748.25 days
1189.5 + 3558.75 = 4748.25 days
∑’ = 4,748.25 days

Finally, the mean menopause age for women is 51 years. Divide 51 by 4 and you get 12.75. Getting the sum of 12.75 x 366 (for leap years) and 38.25 x 365 (3/4 of 51 years), and you get ∑’’ = 18627.75 days.

51 / 4 = 12.75
51 = 12.75 + 38.25

(12.75 x 366) + (38.25 x 365) = 18627.75 days
4666.5 + 13961.25 = 18627.75 days
∑’’ = 18,627.75 days

If the average Filipino woman bears the mean (how the hell can one bear a child that’s not an integer value?!) number of 2.1 children in her lifetime (see ADB 2010 data projection), this adds up to about 495.70 times a modern woman can suffer PMS symptoms, in her child bearing years between 13 – 51, and close to 550 times for a woman without children.

∑’’– ∑’ = x
18,627.75 – 4,748.25 = 13,879.5 days
13,879.5 / 28 = 495.70 times

Of course, we have to take into consideration the legal age for Filipino women to marry (otherwise, it’ll constitute as statutory), so we take into consideration 18 Gregorian calendar years.

18 / 4 = 4.5
18 = 4.5 + 13.5
(4.5 x 366) + (13.5 x 365) = 6574.5 days
1647 + 4927.5 = 6574.5 days
18 = 6,574.5 days

18,627.75 – 6,574.5 = 12053.25 days
12,053.25 / 28 = 430.47 times

Embryology

Menstrual cycles are counted from the first day of menstrual bleeding, because the onset of menstruation corresponds closely with the hormonal cycle. The menstrual cycle is generally divided into 5 phases, namely the menstrual phase, follicular phase, the ovulation period, luteal phase, and the ischemic phase.

Menstrual phase Days 1 – 4
Follicular phase Days 5 – 13
Ovulation period Day 14
Luteal Phase Days 15 – 26
Ischemic Phase Days 27 – 28

For the first 21 days of menstruation, progesterone hormones create a feeling of well-being and give generally happy feelings and a positive attitude to most pre-menopausal women. Sex drive gradually increases so that she is most capable of conceiving at a specific point, about midway through the cycle.

Psychology

Scottish scientists once studied the reactions and preferences of 104 women to digitally altered photos of men (Pease, A., & Pease, B., 2001). They found that during three weeks of the month, women preferred the smoother, more feminized, sensitive looking types, who would likely to be around over the long haul when the women were ovulating. However, they favored the manly looking men – big jaws, prominent eyebrow, and larger bodies, the stuff that screams virility. They also observed that many ovulating men wore shorter skirts in public (2001).

The scientists concluded that when it comes to settling down, women want a male who is the best parental investment (gender, brain dominance, and its effects on a separate blog entry). But when biological bells are ringing, the want Tarzan’s genes (2001).

Putting it all together

Alright, let’s put everything that we’ve learned together.

For the 25,567.5 days that an average Filipino woman will be living, where the onset of her menstruation will be at the 4,748.25th day, up to the 18,627.75th day of her life, that of menopause, there will a period of 13,879.5 days where you can compute when her progesterone levels will be at its peak and at its lowest. You can estimate when she will be at her randiest, or at her bitchiest.

Of course, an important factor must be taken into consideration. One must subtract 51 to 18, the legal age for women to marry, heh. The average Filipino woman will ovulate 495.70 times in her lifetime, and 430.47 times when she reaches 18 Gregorian calendar years old.

Progesterone levels will be at the lowest (ergo, testosterone levels at the highest) at the 1-5th day of a woman’s menstruation (midway from her ovulation, meaning her egg wasn’t fertilized). From this day to the thirteenth day, this is when she will need loving, caring, and understanding from you (most especially on days 1-4). On the fourteenth day, this is when she ovulates, and this is when her progesterone levels will grow to its peak (in the middle of her luteal phase). You know what this means.

Do the math.

[link]

Here’s something new that the family would definitely love. A Pinoy version of the classic real estate trading game, Monopoly.

Now, we could finally pretend to be like our idols Lucio Tan, Henry Sy, Jaime Zobel de Ayala, John Gokongwei, and all the other Filipino moguls as we play on the new Pinoypoly!

These are but some of the properties included in the game:

[link]

Districts like Tondo and Binondo, shopping centers like SM Mall of Asia, Greenhills Shopping Centre, and Ayala Center; institutions like the University of the Philippines (the Philippine government now allows you to buy its properties!), Ateneo de Manila, and De La Salle University; public transports like the LRT lines 1 and 2, the Metrorail, and the PNR; Utilities like Meralco and Maynilad; five star hotels like the Manila Hotel, Peninsula Manila, and Makati Shangri-La; National structures like Rizal Park, Intramuros, and Malacaňan Palace; recreation locations like Enchanted Kingdom, the Airport Casino, and Tagaytay Highlands; High-end villages like Wack-wack, Forbes, and Dasma; and of course, prime lots like the EDSA Shrine and Ayala Avenue.

[link]

Don’t forget to collect your Php 200M as you pass go!

(I’m hoping that we could print this up and play it, as I deliberately designed it to be playable. $1 = Php 1M)

In the spirit of silliness, I passed around this message to selected friends and acquaintances:

“Please pray for the well-being of my son, Michael Glenn. He is currently in critical condition for intracranial hemorrhage, traced to a ruptured cerebral blood vessel, from his chronic migraine.”

And of course, put this at the end of the message:

“Psyched! April fools!”

I started a joke, which started the whole world crying,
But I didn’t see that the joke was on me, oh no.

I don’t want a similar untoward incident to happen again, where news broke out that I met my Creator from Cerebral Edema. Jeco even called up the funeral homes just to check of there was really a stiff dead guy lingering there by the name of Glenn. And that year, news also got to Thailand, where some of my Atenean Psychology acquaintances shared the “bad” news with each other.

I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing,
Oh, if Id only seen that the joke was on me.

Oh yeah, some even called me up and was sobbing, even after I told them it was a prank. Well thankfully, there’s none of that this year.

I looked at the skies, running my hands over my eyes,
And I fell out of bed, hurting my head from things that Id said.

I then received this message before the day ended from an undisclosed friend (she asked me that she does not wish to be identified and that it will be a secret between the two of us):

“I’m really sorry to hear that. I will be asking [the] others to pray for him as well. Can we visit him? We are his classmates in graduate studies, and he was such a good friend to us.”

Till I finally died, which started the whole world living,
Oh, if Id only seen that the joke was on me.

Apparently, some recipients got truncated messages, where I told them in the end that what happened to me isn’t true, and that I’m alive and well.

Hmm. A song ironically comes into mind, one from the Bee Gee’s.

ps. I also received a message before the night ended that one of the professors in our Psychology Department (and was my thesis mentor at that) is confined in a hospital, and is in dire need of B+ blood transfusion. This one's not a prank by the way.